Here is my humble advice from a mother who grew up in a house without any boys to another mother who may be equally as unprepared as I was to embark on the adventure of mothering her first little boy.
All I can say is, BE PREPARED.
Be prepared for those first few diaper changes. Shame on him if he pees on you once. Shame on you if he pees on you twice.
Be prepared to find Thomas trains in your Tupperware, towel closet, book case, silverware drawer and in bed with you at night.
Be prepared for a new definition of “good” at church. Quiet will come, but sitting still… well, ask me in a few years.
Be prepared to know that a boy needs his mother to help control his wildness and (shockingly) natural propensity toward crudeness.
Be prepared to give an answer when a very astonished little boy walks in on you in the bathroom and exclaims with much concern and sincerity, “Mommy, you go potty out of your bottom???”
Be prepared to be serenaded by wooden spoons and what he has found to be your loudest upturned pot while you make dinner.
Be prepared for everything to become a sword, especially palms at Palm Sunday Mass.
Be prepared to wait until he is three before trying any potty training, lest you lose your mind.
Be prepared to watch a little boy, distracted by an older sibling, perhaps, pee all over your bathroom wall.
Be prepared, also, to resolve to use more disinfectant in your future cleaning of aforementioned wall.
Be prepared to emotionally recover when you son sees you in a towel and says, “What are THOSE? Is that your tummy? I think they’re your long tummies” Yes, someone has just described them as “long” Pull yourself together. You have a bathroom to clean.
Be prepared to sit back on your couch in weariness only to discover that all of the cushions have been removed to make a spaceship, fort or castle on the other side of the room as you land so ungraciously.
Be prepared to nearly break your neck as you slip on a hot wheels car he has left just for you on the top of the stairs.
Be prepared to have your own mother question your maternal judgment when she observes your little cherub jumping with wild abandon from your coffee table to your couch as she looks on in horror.
Be prepared to suppress your gag reflex when, at the airport one day, you discover your son happily munching on a dirty old French fry of unknown origin.
Be prepared to see that a boy needs a daily free-for-all romp as much as he need food and air.
Be prepared to hold your breath and your tongue as you watch falls and injuries you are too late to prevent. Learn to pray very quickly that they won’t require stitches and won’t get blood stains on your couch or carpet.
Be prepared not to hold it against your husband when father son bonding includes a contest of “who can fart the loudest” or a sword fight. (call me later and I will explain the sword fight.)
Be prepared to feign interest in Nascar, Super Mario Brothers, Star Wars and Diego.
Be prepared to encourage and praise all things brave and valiant, strong and courageous in your little man’s soul.
